Hey, Oscar Nominees, Here’s Some Unsolicited Advice About Your Home

The only thing missing from each of these actors’ home is a 2012 Oscar. But just because they have everything doesn’t mean we can’t dole out a little HouseLogic wisdom.

George, Michelle, Jonah, Gary, and Meryl, about your houses…

George Clooney

It’s no secret that this Best Actor nominee enjoys a good time. His Studio City, Calif., home includes multiple bars, a screening room complete with popcorn machine, and tons of wine storage.

Our advice: George, your kitchen looks like a fun place to be, too. But it breaks our rules for kitchen design that makes you fat! The glass-front refrigerator, seating, and abundance of storage make it impossible for some to resist snacking. Good thing you have your low-cal meals delivered to you.

Michelle Williams

This Best Actress nominee was able to prepare for her role as Marilyn Monroe in the seclusion of her three-story brownstone in the Boreum Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn, N.Y. No doubt stalkers, fans, and photographers are always looking for her home, so we admire her brick privacy wall.

Our advice: Michelle, we hope you’ve upgraded the strike plates and deadbolts on your doors and disabled your automatic garage doors to keep the madding crowd away.

Jonah Hill

The Moneyball star, nominated for Best Supporting Actor, lives the bachelor life in a five-bedroom, 4,600-square-foot house in California’s San Fernando Valley. The home includes a formal living room, a fireplace in the master bedroom, a tennis court, and a pool.

Our advice: Hey, Jonah, do you have a solar pool heater to keep the water warm? They cost a lot more than electric and gas heat pumps, but you can afford it.

Gary Oldman

This Best Actor nominee’s southern plantation-style home was built in 1922 and still retains many of the original fixtures, including glass doorknobs. Plus, it has a massive lawn.

Our advice: Gary, to keep that grass lookin’ good, make sure to sharpen the blades on your lawn mower. And don’t forget to clean your mower to curb lawn disease.

Meryl Streep

Streep’s two Oscars apparently aren’t enough to keep the spooks away. The Best Actress nominee is reportedly convinced her Connecticut home is haunted. She once heard the sound of a piano crashing to the ground, although no one else was home.

Our advice: Meryl, some simple maintenance tricks can calm your home’s squeaks and wobbles, which can sound an awful lot like a ghost. Rest assured, there are usually simple explanations for spooky sounds at home.

If you won an Oscar, where in your home would you display your statuette?