How Many Guinea Pigs Does it Take to Mow a Lawn?

How many guinea pigs would it take to mow your lawnGuinea pigs can be more than furry pets — they can mow your lawn, too. Image: ZeWaren/Flickr

Why mow the lawn when you can get an animal to do it for you?

How many guinea pigs does it take to mow my 2.66-acre lawn? Just over 4,500 if you want them to get the job done in a single day. I know this because the folks at created a handy animal mower calculator that tells you how many guinea pigs, sheep, chickens, cows, or goats it takes to mow a lawn in a day.

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I know what you’re thinking. It would take a really long time to put coats on 4,500 guinea pigs so they could continue to mow the grass this fall when the outdoor temperatures drop. But hey, my daughter has been asking for one ever since she took care of the neighbor’s guinea pig three years ago.

Tragically, a dog ate that guinea pig, which points up a second problem: You’d have to guard the guinea pigs to make sure predators didn’t eat them.

Fortunately, offers us other animal-lawn-mowing options. It would take only 89 goats to mow my yard in a day. Hey, I’d be in good company: Google uses goats. But their eyes look in two different directions, which is creepy. No goats.

How about cows? I’d only need 15 of those, but not dairy cows because if I don’t have time to mow the lawn, I certainly don’t have a half-hour to milk a cow, much less the seven hours a day to milk 15 cows by hand.

I was thinking sheep would work out, but the calculator says I’d need 193 of them. Maybe I could just borrow a few and give them the week to do the lawn.

The chickens are absolutely out of the question. A neighbor already has some and a rooster to keep them company. This is how I know that roosters don’t actually crow at dawn. They crow at dawn, mid-morning, lunchtime, in the afternoon, before dinner, and at any other time until their owner takes pity on the neighbors and gets rid of them.

I’ll just stick with the lawn service. It doesn’t produce dairy products, requires only the occasional glass of ice water on a hot day, and only wakes me up from my nap once a week.

Which animal would you pick to mow your lawn?